It Gets Better
by Madam RinRin
Summary: I guess I always knew. It wasn't easy, but after awhile, I accepted it. Just his smile, and his crazy ideas gave me the courage to break the silence... inspired by the National day of silence in the US. RikuxSora.


**I wrote this for the National Day of Silence in the US, that took place April 20th this year. I didn't finish this in time to post it that day, but I finally finished it! The National Day of Silence it to bring awareness to LGBT bullying, since many times it's ignored, making these people feel unwanted, unaccepted, or unloved. By not speaking, it shows people just how much of an impact this kind of behavior affects people. I participated with my friends, placing duct tape on my mouth and not speaking the entire day. This is one of the ways I support peace and tolerance, and I want to make a fanfiction every year in honor of this day. **

**I hope you all love this as much as I loved writing it, and please take the message along with you.**

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**It Gets Better**

It took me awhile to accept it.

When we were younger, I thought it was just some sort of weird desire to protect him, because he was my best friend. After all, he was the person closest to me. Not even my own parents were closer. I thought it was because I was older, that I had felt obligated to look after him. And I was content thinking that I could just always look after him and keep him safe from harm.

He was like a little brother to me. Well, at least I thought he was at the time. But as he grew closer to the third in our trio, I felt as if the bond he and I shared was pulling apart. He began to look at her, pay attention to her more, and I wouldn't have admitted it then, but now I will say for certain I had been jealous. At first I thought it was because the closest person to me was being taken away by some red haired vixen girl. I thought I was just jealous because she was trying to take my best friend.

But I was completely wrong.

It came to a surprise when I realized that she didn't just want his friendship- she_ liked_ him. She wanted a romantic relationship. When I found that out, I thought that since she wanted a different position than me, it wouldn't bother me any longer.

But it didn't work like that.

Don't get me wrong, Kairi is one of the closest people to me. I care about her more than any other girl that I have ever met. But when you're young, it's different. You can care about someone, and still hate them for the most absurd reasons. Well, I suppose that could be applied to teens and adults as well, but I digress. She will always be important to me, but even though I thought we wanted different things, I still found myself wanting to rip her hair out and dunk her head into the ocean water to drown.

Only after about a year, did I realize the reason why I still wanted to rip her apart was because I was still jealous. Because we, in fact, did want the same thing.

When I saw them together, it made me angry, upset, jealous, and feeling all that made me even more mad. But even though I was mad at Kairi, I still wanted to protect her, because she still was my friend. And our subtle competition, I believe fueled our friendship even more.

But that feeling whenever I saw him, wanting to hold his hand, or kiss him, it was subtle when we were younger. And as we grew older, the feeling grew more intense, and appeared more frequently. But something else became apparent. I could tell, from the way his eyes lit up, by the way he always did what she said, that he, really, honestly, _liked_ her back.

I told myself it was alright, and that my own feelings would cease to exist, and Sora would go back to being my best friend, and we'd be brothers. I said it was immoral, unnatural anyway. That two guys would be together... And I drilled that thought into my head so far down, I began to feel guilt, and shame for thinking about my friend in such a way. And what was worse was I couldn't help but continue with my desires.

But now, everything's different. The three of us have all changed, and grown into different people. Kairi , an intelligent young woman. And I like to believe I've changed for the better, throughout everything that has happened...

And Sora... Well, he's even more perfect than before. If that's possible. It was as if all of his wonderful traits multiplied by a thousand.

Don't get me wrong, I know everyone has flaws. I'd imagine I would know that more than anyone... but with Sora, it's as if he takes his flaws, his weaknesses, and turned it into an advantage. All of those flaws, well, it makes him so uniquely different. It makes me want to be like him.

And even though it was hard for me to accept how I felt about my best friend, it got easier. Time went by, and it seemed, even though it was hard to be around him, having him do things so casually, it was still easier. And Kairi, well, I tried to hide it, but I could tell she was more considerate, or at least not as childish with her affection towards Sora. I had come to accept only being the best friend, watching from behind. And I believed at the time my thoughts were sinful and wrong anyway. I had been content to not acting on them.

Then Sora and I had been alone one day, just talking about nothing. We sat on the pier, and he dangled his bare feet in the water, rambling on about how different life was, home and not in another world. We talked about how it was different, and how it wasn't. And then he had turned to me, and asked me what seemed to be on my mind. I knew I couldn't get away with brushing the question off, pretending it was nothing. Sora knew me too well. So, since I couldn't tell the truth, I told him the closest thing to it, and prayed my perfect friend would accept me for all faults, including my secret feelings for a man.

I had waited for a reaction for a while, and when I got one, I was pleasantly thrilled.

He smiled after a moment, and admitted to me that he didn't mind. And that he liked someone as well. It made me feel so relaxed, so happy, even though I thought it was someone other than me. It meant Kairi wasn't the one he loved. So we talked about it, when he first realized he felt different from 'normal' teenage boys, and he said he just couldn't see him self being with Kairi in such a way. I listen to him go on about how he tried to imagine doing something with our friend, but it never worked out in the end.

Then he admitted the first time he thought of kissing a man, it was when that red haired nobody, Axel, had died. He had died in order to let Sora continue his journey, and something inside him had urged him to do it, tears falling from his face and all. I had sat quietly, not wanting to tell him it was probably Roxas. But then Sora said after that, he realized he didn't want to be with Kairi romantically at all, even though he still said he loved her.

I was glad he seemed to know not to pry in too deep in my own story, accepting the reply, "I've always known."

Which I guess is somewhat true.

And then, he talked about how he wished there was a day for people like us. He said it was hard not being able to talk about it. Which I understood. On a small island like this, it was nearly impossible to find someone who could relate, or even accept, being remotely different. Which was why coming back to the island was so hard at the beginning. They didn't accept change very well, and I believe the both of us changed almost too much for their liking. Well, besides the few friends we had to begin with.

I sat there, and I had listened to him speak. He talked a lot about hating the silence he forced into by basically everyone. Friends, family, even feeling scared to tell Kairi of all people. And even in the silence, he was still being tortured by our peers at school over his, for lack of a better word, feminine qualities. I couldn't say I knew what it was like, but I too, agreed it was hard to speak out.

And then he got the most brilliant, absurd idea yet.

"What if we had a day, a day to speak out without actually talking? Wouldn't that be great? Like, we could tell everyone how we feel, but using more meaning than words could say. If they want us to be silent, okay, but we'll still show them how we feel!"

So that's when he created our day of silence. It was crazy, silly, yet he spoke with such passion and enthusiasm I couldn't help but laugh and agree. It was wonderful, being surrounded again by the light only he could provide. It made me feel like anything was possible. And it reminded me why I loved him, and it made me feel that it was okay to love him. His eyes were bright, and his voice got more dramatic and loud and beautiful with every word he said. And his arms moved along with every word he said. He looked over at me, pink cheeks, bright smile, and all.

I didn't even ask him who he liked. At that point, it didn't matter. I was with him, and that was good enough at the time.

Sometime shortly after that, Sora somehow had managed to get me to go along with little idea. He told everyone, our friends, even some people we rarely knew, about his scheme. And when Kairi asked him if he was gay, his answer made both her and me smile.

"Yes, but Kairi, I still love you very much."

So now the three of us put this plan to action; Kairi went around school, telling all her girl friends about their idea, and Sora and I went to Tidus and Wakka to ask for their support. It was tough, but I think I speak for him as well when our those two supported us. Then, we added to more to our numbers, and Selphie joined in our cause the moment Kairi spoke to her about it. There were others who accepted it- even some I had never spoken to before. And it was all because of my best friend, who I believed I would never have a chance with.

But on that day, he proved me wrong.

That morning, I woke up as usual, and got ready quickly to meet up with my friends in the courtyard of our school, like always. But this time, it was different. At our usual spot, their was more than our tight group of friends. Their were people Kairi and Selphie had gotten to join our cause, as well as some of the people I knew Sora and I had spoken about. And to everyone's surprise, Tidus and Wakka apparently gotten three members from the varsity blitzball team to join our cause. Overall, there was only twenty of us, but twenty was much more than we were expecting. And just seeing the look on Sora's face made it all worth it to me.

Kairi passed out tape to all of us, cards the explained exactly what we were doing when one asked, and I could tell the whole entire time she was beaming of excitement and a modest vanity. As she walked up to me, I didn't need her to speak to know what she was saying. Her eyes conveyed the message clear, and it told me: "It's okay."

And it meant more to me than "It's okay." It meant acceptance, love, forgiveness for my transgressions, and permission to take a chance. And while I have not been afraid of many things, I will admit this took more courage than anything else I had done.

As we all placed the duct tape on our mouths to symbolize our silence, I somehow managed to reach for Sora's hand with my own. He looked up at me, and I tried to say it without words, I tried to show him what I was saying. I'm not a religious person, but I prayed to whatever god out there that he understood. I wanted him to realize that the person I liked, it was _him._

His blue eyes shined bright, and his cheeks were a blushing red. And though I couldn't see his lips, I knew he was smiling. It made me so happy, that someone like me, who had hurt him so many times could be the one to win his heart. I didn't feel that it was possible, but at that moment I knew that the reason why he fought so hard for me all this time was because I was the one he loved. It made me feel honored, and oh so happy.

That day was great, walking around school, explaining to everyone exactly what our cause was. And after school, walking home with Sora, and I kissed his lips for the first time after we removed the duct tape on our mouths. I can't describe the feeling of being able to finally have the person you love.

Yeah, it's been hard. Sometimes I can't understand him, and sometimes he doesn't know what I'm thinking. But because I have him, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. I'm there for him, to hold him and caress him whenever he's upset.

It's hard, but it's getting better.

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**Please Review! I absolutely would love to hear what you think of it, and it's what keeps me writing!**


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